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Sunday, 19 October 2014

A PLEA TO MY BROTHER: Save the Muslimah Campaign

25th Zul-Hijjah, 1435                                                  Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuh brothers and sisters in Islam. I hope and pray that you are in the best state of increasing eemaan. Alhamdulillaah always. Today, I wish I could make my article a lot shorter than usual but it doesn’t look like it would be so. My target group for this article is mainly my Muslim brothers and fathers and so I am really wondering;

‘Will they read?’

Yes, too many of us Muslims; the males and the females, are just extremely lazy at reading anything the worse of it, even Al-Qur’an. All the same, I just hope again that my target group will find the need to listen to and consider my point of view. Some are my loyal readers already, alhamdulillaah (smile to jannah).

My Motivator for this Article

One of Sheikh Ahmed Nazir of Kumasi’s status on facebook today says and I quote verbatim;

‘Where are the soft hearted people of Allah to rescue some young ladies from sex exploitation and slavery? Get in touch with me to see the best way to rescue less deprived future mothers of our nation. SUBHAANALLAAH!’

Ok…that set my mind whirling as usual. Many thoughts about the state of our women, future mothers as he would put it, came running through my mind. So, I asked myself; 

‘This is a man trying his best to take care of the affairs of women, how about me and all the other women?’

Then the thought of an article came to mind…and there are many other means to deal with it…hoping to grab them all in shaa Allah.

The Responsibility of the Muslim Man

Allah azza wa jal says and clearly too that;

‘Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…’

(Surah An-Nisa, the Women, Chapter 4 ayah 34)

So, all that I will be saying in this article is to draw the minds of my brothers back to this responsibility in shaa Allah as a reminder.

Allah azza wa jal who always knows best did not only say that husbands are the protectors and maintainers of their wives but He, jalla jalaaluhu, generalized it by putting it as He did; ‘men’ ‘women’. So, for every believing Muslim man, you have to understand that it is your responsibility to protect and maintain the women around you….’well…I am now thinking at the maintaining aspect; are you going to feed and clothe all the women?...Challey! (smile to Jannah).

Protecting the Women

Allah, Robbil ‘Arshil ‘Azeem, knows best why He brought the issue of protecting the woman before maintaining her. There are many ways in which a woman could be protected and the essence of her protection is so that her human dignity and self-esteem is ensured.

Our noble Rasuulullaah, the peace and blessings of Allah azza wa jal be upon him is the most perfect example of a protector and maintainer of women. So I do the #LEANSEERAHCAMPAIGN on facebook so that our brothers and sisters will go back to Islamic history to see how the Prophet suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam and his beloved companions radiyallaahu anhum lived together with the women in their lives and the women around them. They protected and maintained them in every aspect of the words. 

Once a woman’s ‘hijab’ was tempered with by some Jews, the Prophet, the most awesome of humans, called for war against them though he later declined. During the night vigils of the man whom I prefer to call; ‘taqwa walking,’ al-Ameer-al-Mu’mineen, Umar ibn al-Khattab radiyallaahu anhu, most of the people whom he helped were women. Women missing their husbands and reciting not-so-good poetry, he solves the problem. Women struggling to feed their children, he solves the problem. A good girl who prevents her mum from being disobedient, he rewards her. And the stories are endless. The question therefore is; 

‘What are our especially Allah conscious men of today doing about the sad state of the Muslimah? Do these men not want to be like the amazing men of old?’

It is rather unfortunate and unpleasant to say even that some of these men are the very men who put our Muslim ladies in these sad states. Oh yes! It is the truth. 

My story with Dr Zakir Naik goes far back to when I completed Senior High School. I read most of his lectures which are typed by a software. Later I had many of his DVDs and I watched them and I could say that; that was where the da’ee feel and passion started. Alhamdulillaah for this awesome man. His programme at the Jubilee Park in Kumasi couldn’t come on and Muslim ladies and gentlemen are standing by the road side struggling to get a car home and to school. It is very late, we are wet and cold. I was trying to help a sister get a car then our Muslim gentlemen are fighting over seats in the cars that come with their Muslim sisters. 

Well, I was bored. I could not believe that young men who had come to celebrate a respecter of women, Dr Naik, could do this. Why wouldn’t they try to get their sisters who were a lot more fragile into the cars and to safety before they thought of themselves? And that is how bad the protecting of women have become.

Another example is;

I happened to spoil my usual dawn’s peace by going on facebook and the first thing I saw was a post by someone I knew who was talking about a respectable man who was playing games with one girl. Eventually the girl had complained and shown proves to her claim to them and they were trying to do something about it.

I was shaken to the core and so I was curious. Then this guy (he is family) called me at that same time to give me news that I wished and still wish was not true. The story is that of a respectable man who breaks a girl’s virginity in his car and continues to use her as he wants just because she needed his financial help. If this will not let you sad or cry, then what kind of heart do you have? So the issue of financial help leads us to maintenance.

Maintaining the Woman

Another bitter truth that seems difficult for us to say is the issue of the irresponsible nature of some of our fathers. Too many young ladies and guys have to fend for themselves because even with their fathers, it is the mothers who are working hard to maintain them. That is not because some of these fathers are unable to work but they are simply lazy and where they do, they don’t use their money for their homes but for other things. May Allah azza wa jal change them for the better. Aameen.

At the end of the day, a girl who does not get her provisions from home seeks it elsewhere and mostly, the elsewhere is what leads her to become a victim of sexual molestation by the men who are unable to control their sexual urges. They have and are ready to give to such girls what their families are failing to give them of mostly their basic needs in exchange for the girl’s dignity and honour.

The Shades of Muslim Men

I know quite a number of Muslim men who respect themselves so much and fear Allah azza wa jal enough not to stoop low to their ill desires. They fight it with all the strengths they could gather. To them I pray that Allah azza wa jal increase them in taqwa and help them in lowering their gaze all the time no matter the magnitude of the temptations to do otherwise.
There are also the men who do not care. For them, when they feel these ill desires, all they do is to work hard to satisfy these ill desires. The interesting thing is that there are always the Muslim ladies who are ready to be used in this regard so they have no problem. For these men I pray that Allah azza wa jal softens their hearts towards His consciousness so that they will put a stop to this evil.

What Men Must Know

The fact that you are striving hard to keep your linkage with Allah azza wa jal clean and free from zina (fornication, adultery) does not mean that you can trust yourself with any woman, religious or not. Most of the time, a religious person is a bit comfortable when he is with another religious person because there is this little hope that the other will not bring up any evil thoughts. Funny! Yes! Very funny! Shaitaan is that extremely tricky. He leads us on gradually and let us soften our barriers (the physical and virtual ones) so that he could now come in smoothly. Ponder! It is the truth. So, we must always be on the alert whiles keeping in mind that it is probably not the other person who will make us do the bad thing but we ourselves might suddenly miss a point. Besides, are we not told that Shaitaan is the third of a man and a woman alone?

Men, the believing ones, must know that they might try hard not to be immoral with a woman, but she could suddenly lead them that way. It has happened before, it is happening and it will happen. So, there has to be both the inward caution of the self and the outward caution of the other person.

Do Not Near It

Allah azza wa jal did not only say that we should not commit zina, but He says that;

‘And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.’

(Surat Al-‘Isra’, the Night Journey, Chapter 17 ayah 32)

How many people were able to save themselves from the zina itself after they got themselves near to it? You and I could count them on our fingers, they are that few. The stories of men such as the one who had stopped himself from committing zina with a pious woman due to her incessant plea and calling upon Allah azza wa jal as a witness is that few. Mostly, the moment you get yourself near it, the probability of you doing it, is above 50% (my own analysis).

Yet I see too many of us getting nearer and nearer zina against the command of our Creator and Provider. I will want to stick to the religious ones among us. We look at nearing zina as something so far away like watching nude women, pornography, clubbing, listening to profane music, etc. So we try hard to avoid those things. But we never look close enough to the zina that is near, right under our noses.

Young men and women are doing the small talks in the name of teaching one another about Allah azza wa jal. It is amazing how a Muslim man and a Muslim woman who have not even expressed marital interest towards one another not to talk of making it halal, could talk so softly with one another for hours in the name of doing da’awah to each other or whatever. That is a thing that each Muslim man and woman must fight against for real.

Let us talk about the case of the opposite sex best friends. Subhaanallaah! I am mostly amazed when I hear a Muslimah, a seriously practising one, say; 

‘As for me, my best friend is a guy or I don’t like female friends, I prefer male friends rather.’

For whatever reason that is so, I believe that should not be the case at all. The same goes to the Muslim man. Why on earth will you choose a female whom you could marry as a best friend when you are not planning to marry her and she is not planning to marry you? Even when you are planning to marry her, then just do it. It didn’t happen during the Prophet and his companion’s time. It should not happen now. Because then we will be missing the point on modesty. 

I have always believed that if someone is not your wife or husband and marriage is possible between you and him, you have the duty to keep the person at a reasonable distance because Allah azza wa jal says so. If there is the interest of marriage between you and the person, then say it and do it. And my policy now as I have come to learn is;

‘You are either married, about to marry or single.’

Anything doesn’t work because those are times when Shaitaan could make use of you quick and fast.

Is Segregation the Solution?

We could as well put this question as; 

‘Was segregation of males and females the solution during the Prophet and his Companion’s time?’

I see from the little Islamic history that I read, the male and female companions of rasuulullaahi suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam doing some things together to foster the growth of Islam. The women talked to the men with respect and honour. They didn’t just mingle unnecessarily except for a purpose. Where they were together, even in the Masjid, they played by the rules. They had a sense of shyness for the opposite sex. 

Today, especially with Muslims in Ghana, we have a challenge in our schools, work places and communities which does not make our segregation possible and even advisable. Imagine if all the Muslim men in our tertiary institutions decided not to deal with the Muslim women; that will be a big blow to us as Muslims because in working together as Muslims, we learn from one another and we encourage one another towards that which is good. Our togetherness, due to our small numbers compared to the others, is a source of strength for us.

For example, I work in a male populated Islamic foundation. I prefer this to working in any non-Muslim place where they would not care to mix us up and watch the males and females do what they always do; hugs, pegs, the bad talks and all. Even when you are treated with respect, seeing these things break the heart. I would prefer this to working in an all non-Muslim ladies place because then my deen is at stake and the breaking of heart is still there due to what I would see. 

To be a lot more practical, working with mostly men, believing men that is, has helped me to build on myself a lot more. I have learnt to be a lot more humble, committed to the service of Allah azza wa jal, complain less, and give off my best and of course, there is always the physical and the virtual barrier (hijab) even when the extreme case of being alone with a man happens.

So, segregation isn’t the actual solution but the training of the hearts, minds and brains to be inclined towards Allah azza wa jal solely.

The Virtual and Physical Barrier

Religious Muslim ladies of today are getting obsessed about the physical hijab and niqab even. It is a good thing, no doubt. But the problem is, our whole minds are that the moment we put on our overall physical apparel, we are good to go. Then we are top Muslimahs.

What we must know is that; our overall dresses are only a physical cover and a greater deal of the whole hayaa-hijab concept lies in our attitude and how we relate with the men with whom our marriage is permissible. 

The manner in which we talk to them and the content of our talks, our dealings with them on a personal level, etc. That is as important. From my dealings with varieties of Muslim sisters, something that I have learnt to do over time fiisabilillaah, I think;

‘That is something Muslim ladies must really work on.’

What men have to note however is that a woman could try her best to do all she can by building both the physical and the virtual barrier and you might still find her attractive, that shows that it is time for you to do the remaining 50% of the hayaa-hijab job, lower your gaze and make du’a that Allah azza wa jal takes the attraction out of your heart…if you cannot make her your wife.

Muslim men must note that it is not every Muslimah who could or cares about building the physical barrier not to talk of the virtual one and so for such Muslim women, he needs to put a lot more caution when he is dealing with them. He should not trust in his eemaan too much. That is how the whole immoral thing starts actually. 

The Respectable Muslim Man

It is truth that a Muslim man who is able to contain his ill desires by lowering his gaze and making efforts to stop himself from going after sexual satisfaction illegally with the help of Allah azza wa jal is respectable both in the sight of Allah azza wa jal and of humans.

If it is possible for you to marry a woman you desire, do so instead of any illegal things, that is respectable and it will preserve your dignity and honour both in this Dunya and the Akhira. Where you cannot marry the person, then you need to keep an appreciable distance. That is respectable and it saves both you and the person.

There is so much to do on this issue of the dignity and honour of ‘our future mothers’ being dragged into the bin. As a man, the best you can do is to make sure you are not contributing to do this whilst we deal with the women as well.

It is true that some women will do anything to get at some men and unfortunately some men fall for it but a man should be able to handle even such women with care all in the name of protecting her fiisabilillaah. If men will do this, I believe the life of the Muslimah will be better off. Even the Muslimah who is ready to play games will not have the Muslim man to do that with.

Enough of all that. Let me leave you to ponder on this and many more that I have not written. You must know that the essence of this writing is solely so we could correct a wrong in our communities. The Prophet Mohammed suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said that;

"If one of you sees something wrong, let him change it with his hand; if he cannot, then with his tongue; if he cannot, then with his heart and this is the weakest faith." 

I have a fragile body, no strength so I could use my tongue…(smile to jannah). May Allah azza wa jal increase all those who have taqwa in it and grant taqwa to those of us who do not have it. Aameen. May Allah azza wa jal always accept our every effort to please Him solely and save us from riyaa. Aameen. And as I say always say, I love you for the sake of Allah azza wa jal solely, and I pray that He grants us His Shade and Nuur on that Day of Reckoning. Aameen.

Jazaakumullaahu khairan always!!!
Islam forever in shaa Allah!!!
Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullaah!!!
Rubaba Mmahajia Rahma Sabtiu

Monday, 6 October 2014

THE VIRGINITY TALK: Someone Has Got To Say Something

11th Dhul-Hijjah, 1435                                           Bismillaahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Assalaamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barkaatuh. I pray that we are all doing excellent by Allah’s unflinching grace. Alhamdulillaah for the blessing of this deen. Alhamdulillaah for the blessing of this brotherhood. Alhamdulillaah for the greatest of gifts; the guidance of Allah. May Allah azza wa jal keep us on His guidance forever. Aameen.

And I got a kick this evening whiles coming home from work. I was thinking real hard about some issues concerning us; the Muslimahs. Our situation gets a lot more pathetic over time. I know deep down somewhere that most of these are signs of the Akhira (the end time) but I believe that we all owe it to Allah Robbil ‘Arshil ‘Azeem (the Lord of the Mighty Throne) to direct one another towards Allah azza wa jal. So, this is my portion on a bit of the many problems confronting us and I guess it might get a lot lengthier but my loyal readers have always got this tolerance for me; jazaakumullaahu khairan always.

Some Stories

I remember quite clearly one evening when I was in Senior High School One. One of the form three sisters whom I was free with and who respected me a lot (I had that treat in SHS 1, smiles) came up to me on the veranda looking very worried. She had something to talk about and she thought I could be the right person to talk to. What did she have to say?

‘Someone broke my virginity when I went home.’

Oh yes! I heard right. Before I say what my reaction was; she had been ‘lucky’ to get permission (that was something that was almost impossible in my SHS) to go home for a day or two I guess and that was what she earned.

My Reaction

Well, apart from the novels I used to read, I did not know anything else concerning these things. I was shouting within me about how she could possibly do that when she was almost getting done with school. Many questions, no answers! Fortunately for me, all that emotion didn’t show on my face. I remember she kept talking and my mind kept wondering. In the long run she was extremely worried about one thing; 

‘Was she going to get pregnant?’

The Virgins Club

One day, I found myself chairing a programme at the University of Ghana when I was in my final year. I sat between a lecturer (man) and a mother and mentor of mine who were the speakers. I felt so out of place and something came up: the lecturer said;

‘Why don’t you form a virgin’s club?’

And my mentor supported. I could not believe my eyes and ears. Virgin’s what? Challey! I could not imagine a number of girls coming together to form a group because they are virgins. The disadvantages abound. It doesn’t seem advisable to me that ladies tempt to form such a group as that will be a big blow to many in the faces. How would we even be sure that the members of such a group are all as they say they are? How could we incorporate our ‘secondary virgins’ into the whole Islamic system?

The Question: To Answer or Not To Answer

I have seen a particular question come up for discussion among Muslim ladies a number of times. It is;

‘What should you tell a yet-to-be husband who asks you whether you are a virgin or not?’

At this question, some people will easily go off with anger. Why will he ask in the first place? Is he a virgin too? What will he do if he finds out she is not a virgin? Leave her and then spread the message to others? What if she says she is and he finds out after marriage that she is not? Is he going to leave her? If he was hoping she was a virgin, is he going to cause himself emotional distress by finding out she is not? Why doesn’t he wait since he is already getting married to find out for himself? I wonder; will the reluctance of a woman to answer to such a question be taken to mean she is not a virgin? The issue is that dicey. 

Another question is; Is virginity that important for a guy to want to know whether his wife-to-be is one or not? I wish I could have people’s opinion here but all the same, let’s move on. I recall a story;

One day, a man came to the ‘Ameer Al-Mu’mineen, Umar ibn Al-Khattab radiyallaahu anhu to seek his advice. His problem was that some years back, his daughter had fornicated but then she had repented. Now, she had a suitor and he was thinking; should he tell him about the fact that she wasn’t a virgin? 

The ‘Ameer Al-Mu’mineen radiyallaahu anhu asked him whether he would reveal that which Allah azza wa jal had concealed. He also advised that he should marry her off as a chaste woman.’

I also wish that we could all go to youtube to watch a short movie by the Deen Show titled; ‘Change of Heart’ for some mind blowing lessons. If you cannot access youtube, you can read the story (I typed verbatim the video) in my blog. 

A Recent Bitter Story

I am told about a respectable public person who is misusing a young girl. This man who is married broke the girl’s virginity in his car (that is what she says). Any time she requests for money from him (she is a needy person and that is how it mostly starts), he has to have his way with her until things did not work out and she had to report to an Islamic Counselling Centre for help. The man had promised he was going to marry her. And then, many similar ones came up.

The girl says; she had been naïve about the gravity of what she involved herself in. She did not know that having sex was such a big deal in Islam (a Senior High School girl). Who do we blame? The girl, the man, her parents or her community? And she is just one girl with the same story with a thousand others.

My Adorable Daughter tells me

I have a lot of children especially daughters. One of them; she just turned 14, has been having some serious heart-to-heart discussions with me. She tells me about a girl in her class (when she was in J.H.S., she is now going to S.H.S.) who was being used by the guys and a teacher (this teacher goes from girl to girl) in the school. It was so serious that the school had to suspend both she and the teacher. She said that the girl had done abortion before. She told me about how some boys in her class and some teachers have been worrying her and then she talked about those she felt totally uncomfortable with (she didn’t want to get attracted). 

So we see, little girls are not left out of the ‘losing it’ game.
Why is Virginity Important to a Man?

I should have probably captioned it as; ‘Why is virginity important to humanity?’ But I will narrow the importance of virginity to Islam alone. 

We know too well that sexual immorality is completely frowned upon by Allah, azza wa jal. He warns us explicitly by saying; 

‘And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.’

(Surat Al-‘Isra’, the Night Journey, Chapter 17 ayah 32)

As an unmarried man or woman, when you obey this rule, you could not find yourself as anything other than a virgin. When the importance of staying away from unlawful sexual intercourse is found in the Qur’an, we do not then care who says what anymore.

It is therefore incumbent upon all of us (the men and the women) to give absolute priority to virginity because we are Muslims and our law is made only by Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa. 

Apart from this being important from this perspective, we can also look at the social importance of virginity to both the woman and the man.

To the Muslimah

I have something that I always say to myself and I keep posting and sharing. It is;

‘Do not make for yourself the kind of history that you will not want to be played to you when you move to another stage.’

That is to say that; we human beings are constantly in a state of change both positively and negatively. We realize that we hold this opinion today and the next day we hold that opinion instead. We like doing these things today, and then the other things tomorrow. I hope you are getting what I am driving at.

Now, a woman has for one reason or the other become the one who carries the physical burden of unlawful sexual intercourse. That is;

‘She is the one who either gets pregnant or gets shamed’

Pregnant is understandable. What do I mean by ‘shamed’? For most men who will end up doing illegal things like that with a woman, you will realize that they will as well not mind telling it to their friends and even boasting about it, nastagfirullaah. They take pride in the number of women whose backs they have put down. That was a proverb (smile to Jannah). Funny enough, it is only a handful of people who blame this men and even look down upon them for their actions but almost everyone begins to see the woman involved with such a man with the ‘left eye’ and they call her names.

A woman who keeps herself intact however does not have this to deal with. At least, the men who sit together at ‘joints’ and ‘by the road sides’ to talk about all sorts of things (those that will benefit them and those that will not) will not have her as a subject for discussion. That alone, is a great relief.

To the Muslim Man

I will like to go straight to his wedding night when he is finally permitted to have his way with his bride without the watch eyes. To do this; we have to know that there are various shades of men just like there are women.

Some of them are religious and some are not. The religious men also have shades just like the non-religious men. It could be that before a man became religious, he did things (understand?) and changed over for the better so you could not find him a virgin. It could also be that the religious person has always been so but his weakness is women so he just allows himself go (unpardonable in most cases, he should work at lowering his gaze). In that case, you will not find him a virgin also. It could also be that the religious man has always been so from childhood so he might not have ventured into that area at all. In that case you might find him a virgin. Note that the fact that he has always been religious doesn’t mean he is perfect (smiles).

Each of these men has a variety of expectations when they are finally with their bride. The hard truth however is; no matter what kind of life a man has led, if he hadn’t had his way with the woman he married before the marriage, he yearns to find her untouched. Do not ask the women, ask the men!

So, he ends up finding out that he is not the first. What do you think could be going on in his mind? Let me try to give the likely things that could crop up; note also that in this case, disappointment has already set in (even though it could be handled well based on who). 

1.      He might say; ‘Well, that is ok. Allah knows best!’

2.      He might dwell on the disappointment for a while and then let himself be.

3.      He might create a little trouble and also take a rest.

4.      He might wonder; ‘Who could have been first?’

5.      He might wonder yet again; ‘Was it only one or two?’

6.      The moment when he meets her guy friends; ‘Could he have been the one?’

7.      Some will go straight away and ask and his bride’s response will define the happenings that will follow.

8.      And the list goes on… (I numbered that too…)

My friend and sister will say; ‘Our Muslim guys are over-obsessed about virginity.’  I won’t mention her name otherwise... And then I asked her; ‘If it were you who was the man, will you want anything else?’ May be we should all try to answer this only to ourselves. Pondering is a good and a healthy thing to do. 

There is another truth that seems to be swept down the carpet. That is…

The Virgin Who Does Other Things

So, there are women who try their utmost best to keep themselves intact but lose a lot more. Talk about all kinds of romance and they have done it sometimes not just with one man, but a lot more. The only thing they make sure of is not to cross the border.
The question here is; 

‘Which does a man prefer; the harm and loss of dignity which he cannot see or know such as that or the other harm which he can find out (loss of virginity)?’

In that case, we are asking the man to tell us which his choice will be of various women who have lost their virginity and one kind of virgin. The virgin being the kind that has been explained here and the other various kinds of non-virgins some of who are;

1.      She doesn’t see anything of a big deal in being intimate with men whom she was not married to so she just does it.

2.      She was like that before and she changed over for the better.

3.      She was sexually abused and so she lost it.

4.      And many others…

So, which will a Muslim man prefer; ‘that kind of virgin up there against these shades of non-virgins.’ With the obsession they say the men have, I don’t know whether they will still go for the former but of course; ask the men, don’t ask the women. 

The Case of Hayaa

So, hayaa, is a broad subject and I want to use just a bit of it here. In a popular hadith, the noble Prophet Muhammad, the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him, says;

"Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches. And Hayaa’ (self-respect, modesty, bashfulness, scruple, etc.) is a part of faith."

Hayaa is that important in the life of a Muslim. I will look at Hayaa simply as;

‘Having a sense of shame for a wrong action’

Human beings have naturally been created with a sense of shame. They say that is what differentiates us from animals. That is the more reason why man learnt to cover his body which he could not afford to subject to public scrutiny. Therefore, where the community or religion has not given a man and a woman permission to be together and be intimate, man and woman should naturally be ashamed to do that with each other. That is why the public outcry against such things when they sprout in our communities. That is why the many name-calling of people who lose this shame. The Prophet Muhammad suallallaahu alayhi wa sallam said;

‘If you have no shame, do whatever you want.’

And I hope to write an article on lowering of the gaze soon in shaa Allah. May Allah azza wa jal make us among those who are blessed with the best of hayaa. Aameen.

We Have a Problem: Agree

When a Muslim girl in the Senior High School does not know the big deal about keeping her virginity, then we have a huge problem as parents, as a Muslim community and an Ummah in totality. And that is why I always tell my Muslim sisters that just as you dream of marrying and being the best of wives as much as you could, do the same for how you would bring up a child. It is such a a huge job. So many of our mothers are going through various challenges with their daughters from which we must learn. What I think most of the time is that; all that we do with child upbringing is ‘trial and error.’ When the child turns out good, that is well enough, if he or she turns out bad, well…It is that very serious. So sisters, let us all get up and doing and grabbing our young girls and putting in their minds that indeed, virginity is still a thing to fight to protect even now.

Marrying a non-Virgin

So, I was against the ‘virgins club’ because I thought of all the ‘secondary virgins’ and all the others who just didn’t do the virgin thing. I thought of what a group of girls who tagged themselves virgins could probably be calling upon themselves. Among the many negatives are that:

1.      The self-righteousness feel is a disease and this club could well create something like that.

2.      Bad men will make these girls their target.

3.      Bad women will hire bad men to do the same (our community isn’t a safe place).

4.      Secondary virgins (those who have changed over for the better) cannot fit in.

5.      Virgins who don’t want to put their virginity in people’s eyes and noses are not going to be a part.

6.      How will people consider those who aren’t members of this club? (I can’t say smile to Jannah).

The one advantage that is most important to me would have been that some of our girls will yearn to keep themselves intact in order to be a part of such a club yet even this is not enough for something like that.

Is there any harm in marrying a single Muslimah who is not a virgin? Well, I can’t say for sure but let me take us to the video that the Deen Show did that I mentioned above. In the video, you will see in clear terms how bad the whole thing can get with a husband and a wife when the bad past of another crops up.

The video features a man who had been ‘bad’ before and his pious wife. They meet an old friend of the husband and things about his wife’s bad past came up. He gets angry and he wouldn’t talk to her. He could not believe that the woman who had helped him to shoot up his eemaan (faith) was actually that bad. Meaning, she’d faked all of her righteousness.

Some of his friends advised him that he should leave her and go for a better woman and the others advised him to go back for his wife because it was human to be bad today and change over the next time and the change was more important. They used he himself as an example. 

His wife advises her little sister about being careful about what she does now because Allah azza wa jal will forgive us but sometimes the results of those bad deeds will get to us as it was happening to her.

In the long run, they made up after an educative chat. She asked her husband one thing that I want to ask all my Muslim brothers. I put the question in my words; 

‘Is the sin of a woman who goes around doing things with guys greater than that of a man who does the same?’

So, I give a simple advice to my Muslim brothers, if you found your wife intact that adds to the joy but if you don’t find her intact, do not start looking at her with the negative eye because at the end of the day, it goes against your marriage. I have always believed that as human beings, to be content with our lives as they come, we should not worry our heads over what we have no control.

I am not dealing with the men much because I have always been a lot more interested in women because our troubles keep multiplying. The woman must make it her business to keep herself intact if she has not already lost it and where she has, she can always bounce back. That will preserve her dignity both in the sight of Allah, the Most High, and in the sight of humans. Let us have some shame for our bodies.

I have said more than enough. Let me leave you to ponder on all that I could have said which I didn’t say, where you agree with me and where you disagree with me. May Allah azza wa jal be the Custodian of our lives forever. Aameen. Remember that Rubaba loves you fiisabilillaah and may Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa love us most. Aameen.

Jazaakumullaahu khair always!
Assalaamu alaykum!
www.mmahajia.blogspot.com for my articles
Rubaba Elhaam Mmahajiia-Rahma Sabtiu-Morla